Kagome's Diary
by Onitna
Summary: Just what is says. Kagome's diary. Extremely humorous. If you're looking for a good laugh this is it! Actually, written by Alablast but he gave me permission to post it. Enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

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Disclaimer: My name is Onitna. I did not write this story. Alablast wrote it not me. I don't own Inuyasha and last time I checked neither did Alablast. Do the owners of the shows actually read the fics? I know I might read a few if I ever became an author and someone actually like my story enough to write one…

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Onitna's note: I found this extremely amusing. In case you didn't pick up from the title this is Kagome's diary from her pov. I was in stitches from laughing so hard. I managed to worm two chaps from the author Alablast. He lent me his story to post since he doesn't have or want a fanfic.net account. So, enjoy.

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Surgeon General Warning: This story is hazardous to readers drinking or eating at the time. If you have breathing difficulties do not read. Millions have died from laughter. Don't be another statistic.

Now on to the story…

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Day 1

Bike broke. Returned through well. Bike in shop. 

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Day 2

Have talked parents into loaning car. 

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Day 3

Left lights on in car. Battery dead. Use jewel shards for jumpstart.

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Day 4

Car works.

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Day 5

Out of gas. Have talked Shippo into becoming gas can. Shippo is not combustible. 

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Day 6 

Shippo looks cuter with burn marks. The half-black bow suits him as well.

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Day 12

Pushed car to well.

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Day 13

Car will not fit.

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Day 14

Used Testugia to remove side-mounted rear view mirrors.

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Day 15

Car fits.

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O.N (Onitna's note)- So after reading review! I need to see if you like this. If not, I can save myself a lot of grief and headaches and not bother the author for more. Did you find it amusing? I loved the whole car thing. But I have one little problem with it. If the car came out why couldn't it go back in? Does anyone know why? Alablast explained it but I didn't fully comprehend him. Did you like the Surgeon General Warning? That was my touch. *smiles proudly* *everyone falls silent* Was it that bad? 


	2. Microwave Mishaps

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Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. Alablast, this fic's author, doesn't own Inuyasha. If you want to sue… *holds out garbage can* I've got a special file for your 

O.N. Another chapter. Hopefully more reviews. I loved the microwave part. Hilarious, but we all know about my sense of humor that what caused On Strike. 

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Day 16

Parents will not let me keep the car. Something about insurance not covering daughter. Parents agree that Shippo is cuter with the half-black bow. Shippo won't talk to my parents anymore.

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Day 17

Bike fixed. 

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Day 18

Returned through well. Took microwave. Parent's don't use it, anyway. Used Jewel Shards to power microwave. Shippo really appreciates the cooked food.

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Day 19

Jewel shards dead. Will not power microwave for more than 30 seconds anymore. Need more jewel shards… MUST HAVE MORRRREEEEEE!!!!!!!

Shippo agrees with me.

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Day 20

Have taught Shippo to become battery. Enjoy his new, shocked hair style.

Shippo no longer appreciates the cooked food.

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Day 21

Shippo is gone. Have looked all over for him. Hope he is not hurt.

I'm hungry…

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Day 25

Shippo is still gone. Does not answer to his name. Or to Inuyasha's, either. 

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Day 30 

Have left food out for Shippo. Shippo will come, now…

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Day 33

Shippo is not hungry.

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Day 34 

Have microwaved some fish (for 30 seconds) for Shippo. He will come…

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Day 35

Shippo came. Tried to steal Testugia. Succeeded. Have discovered that Testugia is not compatible with Shippo.

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Day 36

Shippo still will not talk to me. Covers his ears and hums loudly when I speak to him.

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Day 40

Have microwaved a demon. She had a jewel shard.

Microwave now works for 35 seconds.

Shippo enjoyed cooked Demon.

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Day 41

Inuyasha ate all the leftovers while we were asleep. Shippo and I kicked him out of the camp. Also, he can't use my bike anymore.

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Day 44

Returned through well.

Failed driver's test. Failed to adjust the mirrors. 

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Day 45

Took doorbell through well. Taught Shippo to become a door.

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Day 46.

Can't find doorbell. 

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Day 47

Have recovered doorbell. Shippo microwaved it. Bad Shippo! Doorbell no longer works. 

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Day 48

Can't find charred remains of doorbell.

Believe Inuyasha ate it…

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Day 49

Confronted Inuyasha. He said something about my brain being broken.

Searching for bridge…

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Day 50

Have found bridge. Taught Shippo to swim.

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Day 51

Shippo will not cross bridges with Inuyasha. Waits until we are both over until crossing.

O.N. That's it folks. So review, will ya? I need some encouragement before I enter the lion's den again asking for another chap.


	3. Laptop loonyness

Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha, but… **THE MICROWAVE IS MINE!!!!!** *runs off with Alablast's microwave*

O.N. Just to remind you, this is Alablast's work, not mine. So if you think it's not worth the space it would occupy in the recycling bin, you can't blame me! Please review. I need to know someone out there is reading this and is backing me up when I hound Alablast for more work. So enjoy! 

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Department of Health notice: VERY IMPORTANT! Do not try this at home! Squeezing a car through a well, hot wiring a microwave to run off of jewel shards, microwaving doorbells or demons and then attempting to eat them have been proven to be threatening towards one's health. After extensive research we have discovered that some of the above mentioned actions could result in death, especially if the demon is not 'well-done'.

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Day 60

Fixed doorbell. Still can't hear noise. However, Inuyasha hates it for some reason. Can't figure out why.

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Day 62 

Received letter from parents through the well. Souta brought it to me. Had to order Inuyasha to sit, before he would stop chasing Souta. I guess even in the feudal age, dogs chase mailmen… or… half-dog demons chase people employed in carrying mail. 

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Day 63

Exams are soon… Trying to teach Shippo to become a cheat-sheet. Not working.

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Day 65

  
Exams in two days. Returned to well.

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Day 66

Shippo still has not become a cheat-sheet. Have microwaved some fish for him.

Day 67

Have cheat sheet! Returned through well for exams.

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Day 68

Can't count. Exam tomorrow. Good thing it's not a math exam, I guess.

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Day 69

It WAS a math exam! Have to remember what classes I'm taking.

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Day 70

Returned through well. Don't really want to know what I made on exams, anyway. Besides, the test was rigged. What kind of teacher would ask a student to write their name on the paper, anyway? Like she doesn't know our name by now?! I showed up for her class… oh, once or twice, at least… 

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Day 71

Brought laptop through well. Mom wasn't using it. 

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Day 72

Taught Shippo to become laptop. Spent the day playing Age Of Empires with Inuyasha and Miruko.

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Day 73

Lost to Miroku. I think he cheated, somehow…

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Day 75

Had to stop Miroku from microwaving Inuyasha. Shippo was no help. Kept pressing the "Clock" button. Already told him it never works anyway.

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Day 78

Microwave became possessed. Miroku told me so**. **It's amazing how he can tell these things, just by looking at them… Loaned him the laptop for an hour, after he removed the demon from the microwave. Shippo said it tasted better with the demon, but Miroku convinced me that all the food would be poisoned. Oh well.

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Day 79

Screen-saver on Laptop changed. Background, too. But… who taught Miroku how to change to the scrolling marquee? Oh well. E-mailed him, and told him no. 

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Day 80.5

Still will not " Bear Miroku's child." Shippo won't either. Miroku won't ask Inuyasha. 

Day 80

Have not received a reply. Must check Junk Mail, in case.

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Day 81

Received e-mail from Shippo@feedme.com. Subject was "Feed Me." Deleted it. Stupid junk mail… You'd think that if you went back in time a few hundred years, they wouldn't be able to find you, but, no…

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Day 82

Received more mail from Shippo@feedme.com. How did that person get my e-mail address, anyway?

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Day 83 

Have opened a new e-mail account. Almost immediately, I received 3 e-mails from Shippo@feedme.com. And I thought junk mail was bad in the present… 


	4. Say What?

Just a little note to let you know what's going on! *smiles charmingly* Don't you just love Author's note that interrupt you right when you're about to read the next chap? **Well, this is hugely important!!!! **If you don't want to be totally lost when you open up the next chapter. This is Alablast's idea. He wanted to show you, the reviewers, my suggestions and his responses. So, Voici! 

Happy Reading,

Onitna. 


	5. That's just WRONG!

VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALABLAST!!! I have added suggestions and little comments to the fic in () and bold lettering, please read and inform me of your answer to the notes… 

Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha, but… **THE MICROWAVE IS MINE!!!!!** *runs off with Alablast's microwave*

O.N. Just to remind you, this is Alablast's work, not mine. So if you think it's not worth the space it would occupy in the recycling bin, you can't blame me! Please review. I need to know someone out there is reading this and is backing me up when I hound Alablast for more work. So enjoy! 

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Department of Health notice: VERY IMPORTANT! Do not try this at home! Squeezing a car through a well, hot wiring a microwave to run off of jewel shards, microwaving doorbells or demons and then attempting to eat them have been proven to be threatening towards one's health. After extensive research we have discovered that some of the above mentioned actions could result in death, especially if the demon is not 'well-done'.

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Day 60

Fixed doorbell. Still can't hear noise. However, Inuyasha hates it for some reason. Can't figure out why.

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Day 62 

Received letter from parents through the well. Souta brought it to me. Had to order Inuyasha to sit, before he would stop chasing Souta. I guess even in the feudal age, dogs chase mailmen… or… half-dog demons chase people employed in carrying mail. (That's really nice and all, but… Souta can't go through the well… ) _HE CAN NOW!! BWHAHAHAHAHAH!!!…_

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Day 63

Exams are soon… Trying to teach Shippo to become a cheat-sheet. Not working.

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Day 65

  
Exams in two days. Returned to well.

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Day 66

Shippo still has not become a cheat-sheet. Have microwaved some fish for him.

Day 67

Have cheat sheet! Returned through well for exams.

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Day 68

Can't count. Exam tomorrow. Good thing it's not a math exam, I guess.

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Day 69

It WAS a math exam! Have to remember what classes I'm taking.

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Day 70

Returned through well. Don't really want to know what I made on exams, anyway. Besides, the test was rigged. What kind of teacher would ask a student to write their name on the paper, anyway? Like she doesn't know our name by now?! I showed up for her class… oh, once or twice, at least… 

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Day 71

Brought laptop through well. Mom wasn't using it. (Dude, did Kagome get a Dell?) _No- Compaq._

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Day 72

Taught Shippo to become laptop. Spent the day playing Age Of Empires with Inuyasha and Miruko.

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Day 73

Lost to Miroku. I think he cheated, somehow…

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Day 75

Had to stop Miroku from microwaving Inuyasha. Shippo was no help. Kept pressing the "Clock" button. Already told him it never works anyway.

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Day 78

Microwave became possessed. (Note, "told me"? Methinks it would sound better as informed or something… told me just sounds strange… May want to add more context clues… people may think that the microwaved youkai had something to do with it…) Miroku told me **_SO_. _It's amazing how he can tell these things, just by looking at them…_** Loaned him the laptop for an hour, after he removed the demon from the microwave. Shippo said it tasted better with the demon, but Miroku convinced me that all the food would be poisoned. Oh well.

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Day 79

Screen-saver on Laptop changed. Background, too. (was it Anne Gedds or pictures of babies???) _What? Who is "Anne Gedds?"…_She takes pics of babies… You know Wind tunnel man was asking her to bear his child maybe he had possible outcomes…? But… who taught Miroku how to change to the _(Onitna: READ THIS!)_ scrolling marquee? (*ish reading it* *doesn't get it*) _And that, folks, is why I'M writing the story…_ (And that is why I'm editing it… It makes no SENSE!!! ) _Of course! If it made cents, I wouldn't be working at Burger King, WOULD I?!?!…_ ( I knew McDonalds was better! Especially if BK hired you!) _Did anybody hear something about more chapters? Oh… must have… just been my imagination…_ Oh well. E-mailed him, and told him no. (suggestion: add more clues as to what the question… sounds as if it could be a question as to more time on laptop or something…) _Wait… after all that, you want MORE?!?!?!…. (I though I get it My Way???) HEY! STOP USING MY ITALICS!!!… _

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Day 80.5

Still will not " Bear Miroku's child." Shippo won't either. (why is Miroku asking Shippo? That's just wrong!) Miroku won't ask Inuyasha. _(He was the other laptop, you dolt…) _

Day 80

Have not received a reply. Must check Junk Mail, in case.

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Day 81

Received e-mail from Shippo@feedme.com. Subject was "Feed Me." Deleted it. Stupid junk mail… You'd think that if you went back in time a few hundred years, they wouldn't be able to find you, but, no…(*wonders if Shippo sent message on laptop he transformed himself into????*) _Was THAT who that was?… Oh…_

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Day 82

Received more mail from Shippo@feedme.com. How did that person get my e-mail address, anyway?

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Day 83 

Have opened a new e-mail account. Almost immediately, I received 3 e-mails from Shippo@feedme.com. And I thought junk mail was bad in the present… 


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